Final goodbye to my friends
By: Iván Noel
I had a friend long ago, Max Dickens, who 10 years before taking a euthanasia pill, was already happily talking about 'getting out of this life'. He would say 'when my money runs out, I run out'. His only great pleasure in life was traveling first class and eating in the world's best restaurants. Without that, his life would lose what little it had to offer him. In 2008 he lost all his money in the corrupt stock market crash, and he joyfully sent me a message a few months later saying that the time had come for him. And he swallowed the pill.
I always thought this was a great thing: when you lose what you most value in life, when you lose your very ESSENCE of who and what you are, there is really no reason to go on, just for the sake of going on.
As my closest friends will know, I have been talking for years about the possibility of 'going out' at the right time, when and where I wanted. That's because I understood that my way of being was directly against the tide of a society that is every year more intolerant, populist and toxic. I was born into the best and worst era imaginable. And now I found my moment.
If through poisonous people (the kind of people who surf these waves of hysteria as a 'cure' for their jealousy, repressions and personal failures), threaten the very future as I want it, then it's time for me to say goodbye.
And what would I lose sticking it out? Well, my work with kids (which has always been the essence of me, and my clearest talent), the ability to travel when and where I want in the world. and most of all my decency as a human being. Because although I am far from perfect, I am also far from evil, and I refuse to lose my decency in the service of toxic people. I really do not love life or humans enough for that.
These things are worth noting:
- In no way does that imply any admission of any offence on my part against anyone. On the contrary: I was never capable of hurting people, least of all the most vulnerable. Everyone who knows me well, knows that. But since today the need for populist drama is much more desired than reality, I do not trust anything anymore, and not interested in playing that absurd game.
- I end my chapter here without depression, or sadness, or any kind of regret or bitterness, but, Like Max, in a personal and logical way.
- I love and appreciate to the last my friends who followed me until now, and from this decision of mine one should not think it was due to a lack from them. It's just that these issues of life and 'death' are much deeper than terrestrial friendships themselves. We are all so much more than what we see down here.
- Since it is NEVER a good time to die, one should be able to decide for oneself. I feel fine, like a tennis player who finishes his career after a tournament he won. Just finished by tenth budget less feature film, a documentary and a photo book. Delighted by that.
- I am and for a very long time now been appalled and disgusted by Humanity. I feel shame of belonging to such a failed race, with its endless small and big wars, most of the time caused by envy and jealousy.
- Is there goodness and love in the human? Well yes, of course... but it's like saying of a very attentive and generous father that he is a 'good father', even though he drowns one of his children in the family bathtub every year. This 'love' is no use, when it ends up like that.
- Contempt for humanity was never stronger for me than during this era of covid hysteria, as it showed us the ugliest side of humanity, the lowest, most submissive side of people, and the abuses from so-called leaders who lie so shamelessly. The only difference between the Middle Ages and now is that we have mobile phones and 'social' networks to attack others more easily.
- I am not religious, but I know there is something beyond our life here. It seems that to get there, we have to go through this failed experiment on earth. But I'm taking a shortcut thank you very much!
- I'm 52 years old, but I'm also 150 years old, because I've lived three lives in one. A full, full, full life. I traveled halfway around the world, experienced almost everything I could, helped as many people as I could in the circumstances, created artistic works that remain and are respected, taught kids the passion for music, films, traveling, cooking, recently helping out the poorest people here.
But mostly, THERE WAS HARDLY A MOMENT IN MY LIFE THAT I WAS NOT LOVED, AND THAT I DID NOT LOVE. Even in my worst moments. I was always surrounded by the love and devotion of young and old alike. All that, incredibly, in spite of my differences, and this personality that is in TOTAL opposition to current western (pseudo) morals. That's why I oe the best part of my life to those who were and still are my friends.
I will drink a bottle of the best Argentine Malbec that I know ('Nosotros' by Susana Balbo) and give myself over to the beyond, which is where we come from, and where we all go.
Thank you, and thank you again: to those who gave me such opportunities (my parents), my loves over the last 40 years, and my friends, and also my film fans who made me get as far as this. I am leaving without regret, and at the best of times. Thank you again.
Yves, the Ivan
source: Text from video 'Final non sad goodbye to my friends from Ivan Noel' by Iván Noel (was a French/Argentine producer and director); www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENYuuOseIbI; YouTube; 19 July 2021