These were my realities - Journal of an incarcerated sex offender

The guilt I feel for having exposed Stephan to these bizarre forces in his life is my Achilles heel. I remember that his mother testified about his reaction to being touched by her. He said if she didn't leave him alone he would have her put in prison for sexual abuse. This, I think, is his way of saying how angry he is that she used his disclosure to put me in prison. I don't think he is happy with this. In any case I am not responsible for the terrible relationship that he and his mother have always had.

The spirit of Hitler thrives in the mental health establishment because it has been co-oped by law enforcement and is dominated by the morality of the religious right.

He told me that his older brother "sexually abused" him. Then he paused, feeling the need to clarify the meaning of this term. "It wasn't anything bad," he explained. In a few words he made it clear to me that the behavior was mutually desired and consensual. I interrupted him. "Why then," I asked, "do you use the term 'sexual abuse?'" He thought about this. "Because in therapy they insisted that I use that term," he said. I shrugged. "You don't need to use that term when you are talking with me," I said.

The daily attack on one's sense of self creates profound depression and bottomless rage. It is not surprising that so many sex offenders choose to commit suicide. Indeed, I was forced to conclude that driving the sex offenders to suicide was the real intents of the state's "correctional" policies. If one judges people and systems by what they do rather than what they profess, no other conclusion makes sense. What is surprising to me is that so few sex offenders lash out in violent ways at a society that has condemned them, tortured them and disinherited them while allowing them no place to escape.

Treatment based on the sickness/healing motif permits access to, and manipulation of, thoughts, feelings, fantasies, dreams, hopes, aims and even the synapses of the brain. In this way it is far more intrusive than any other form of oppression.

One who violates a norm without remorse is either a criminal or a political activist - a reformer. The reformer does not believe in the validity of the norm. His or her aim is not to only to evade society but to re-form it. Society has a certain pity for the sicko, a degree of tolerance or even affection for the its sinners, a begrudging respect for its criminals, but the reformer is generally perceived to be in the service of the anti-Christ. Whatever the cost, the reformer must be incapacitated and, if possible, destroyed. Above all his or her poisonous speech much [must] be suppressed.

We do not want them [children] to pursue those activities and relationships that most excite them, that they are most curious about, and that they most desire. We want children to relinquish any uniqueness in their ways of seeing. They should come to share uncritically the views, the loves, the hatreds, the prejudices and the vendettas of their society. [...] We give them Ritalin because we are no longer permitted to beat them. Always, of course, it is done in the name of the well-being of children. [...] But in reality the suppression of Eros is profoundly damaging to emotional and interpersonal health. [...] The repression of Eros in children ultimately leads to the creation of violent, empty citizens who are alienated from their real needs and wishes and who are all to willing to persecute and even kill enemies of various kinds. A society based on the repression of Eros requires enemies.

source: From the book 'These Were My Realities - Journal of an Incarcerated Sex Offender' by J.H.; 2006